


Oh Maknae

by hheybibi



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Weird Plot Shit, i also had an itch to write, i had this prompt stuck in my head for a long time, ish?, super vague, this is pretty cringe so, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24299395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hheybibi/pseuds/hheybibi
Summary: Changkyun is the maknae. Sure he might not look or act like it, but he is. Changkyun knows this, so it's not a surprise that he's envious of Jooheon. Jooheon that has all the right qualities Changkyun doesn't.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M & Everyone, Im Changkyun | I.M & Lee Minhyuk, Im Changkyun | I.M/Everyone, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Hoseok | Wonho, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Minhyuk, Im Changkyun | I.M/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 7
Kudos: 191





	Oh Maknae

**Author's Note:**

> I read the title in a dramatic voice so you should too. This was written in 2hrs and it's not proofread, so brace yourself

Changkyun wasn't the typical maknae you'd find in typical idol groups. He didn't look like it either. He wasn't the usual overly energized, cute, bubbly maknae. He was more a dark and mysterious kind of maknae. He wasn't always like this though. Before No Mercy, Changkyun had been a cute and bubbly person, but No Mercy took a toll on him. He had to work that extra mile just for the other competitor's trust. And when he did make the cut, he thought he had proved himself to the team. But obviously not.

It's not like his members hated him. They just weren't that fond of him. One person that they did love was Jooheon. Sweet like honey, Jooheon. The team absolutely dotes on him. Even Changkyun himself loved Jooheon. They were pretty much best friends. But you know that one best friend that was better at everything than you? That was Jooheon. Rap? Check. Singing? Check. Humour? Check. Being the cutest maknae ever? Check. And to be honest, Changkyun was envious of Jooheon. Any little thing Changkyun would do, Jooheon did it just a little bit better.

Changkyun wished he had the kind of personality and charisma Jooheon had. But nope, he got stuck with a long nose, crappy rap skills and the ability to be terrible at aegyo.

These are the kind of thoughts Changkyun has on a daily basis. He always went to sleep with them. He always ate with them. And the therapy sessions he'd been going to have not been helping the slightest bit.

The next day he woke up at 3:30 pm with self-deprecating thoughts. He knows there's no schedule today but turns over to look at the calendar on the wall of his top bunk bed out of habit. He decides to get up and make his way to his studio. It's the only place that's capable of clearing his thoughts.

He climbs off the bunk bed and enters the washroom he shares with Jooheon and Minhyuk and inhales deeply before starting his day -that he assumes is going to be tortuously long-

*******  
Changkyun walks into the dining room and the conversations come to a halt. He bows and says a quick good morning before going to the fridge.

"Why'd you wake up so late?" Kihyun asks sipping his coffee

Oh, nothing! Just the usual routine of complaining about my life and self-worth kept me up longer is what Changkyun would like to say but instead, he shrugs and says "Couldn't sleep last night. My insomnia might have started catching up again"

Kihyun looks over at him with a worried expression "Oh no, do you need me to go get a refill from the pharmacist?"

It's in moments like these that Changkyun realizes that his team members do care for him, but don't always show it. But it's quickly ignored when Jooheon asks the "mom" of the group for more bacon.

"No thanks," Changkyun quietly whispers to himself, closing the fridge and leaving the dorm.

*******  
Working on lyrics was hard and it took time for Changkyun to come up with even one line. It's hard to write a song about love or happiness when you don't feel those things. For Changkyun, coming up with lyrics meant having to reminisce about the days before Monsta x, days before No Mercy, it meant having to reminisce about the days with Nubility. That's how he composed 'Mohae'. He lost all contact somehow with Nubility and now all he does when making songs is think about them. 

His train of thought stops when he hears a soft knock on the door and sees black tufts of hair peeking in. Jooheon. See, the thing about not having your personal studio was annoying sometimes, because the person that shares it with you can walk in anytime. Pushing his thoughts aside, he gives a half-smile to Jooheon and the other does the same.

"Why didn't you eat breakfast?" Jooheon asks, walking in to seat on the rolling chair next to Changkyun. He pulls out a baby blue lunchbox out of his bag and passes it to Changkyun

"Here. Kihyun-hyung said to give this to you, if not Hoseok-hyung would have eaten it" Jooheon chuckles

Changkyun doesn't know why but he blurts out "Do you love me?"

Jooheon looks at him, eyes wide at the sudden question then his lips begin to curve into a smile "Of course I love you"

"Do you think the other hyungs love me?" Changkyun doesn't know even know where all this is coming from

Jooheon's face narrows in confusion "We all love you. Why what's wrong?"

"Then why do I feel like this?" Changkyun's face stays cold and unmoving as he speaks

Jooheon doesn't say anything, indicating for Changkyun to continue "Why do I feel empty when I have everything? Why won't these thoughts let me be?"

The older man's eyes are full of worry now. He pulls Changkyun over to himself and hugs him. "Changkyun are you okay? What are you talking about?"

Changkyun starts to giggle so Jooheon releases him with even more confusion "If you guys actually loved me, you wouldn't have forgotten my grape juice"

Jooheon's face falls into a pout "What the hell? I thought something was going on"

Changkyun only chuckles more and stands up "I need to go to the washroom, I'll be back in a sec" 

Jooheon holds the younger's wrists and says seriously "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Changkyun only gives a quick nod and smiles. Jooheon releases his grip from him and Changkyun leaves the studio. Closing the door Changkyun feels tears welling up in his eyes and quickly jogs to the washroom. This wasn't the first time he's said nonsense like this. It wasn't the first time he cried for help and quickly covered it up with a joke or an unrelated excuse. He knew his hyungs loved him. He just wasn't satisfied with the way they showed it. Hurrying into a stall and sitting on the toilet he begins to cry. What was wrong with him? Why did he feel so empty but his body felt so heavy? He felt bad for taking Gunhee's place and then not making good use of it. He felt selfish for always craving affection. He felt sad that Nubility disbanded. He suddenly felt trapped in the stall and got up, opened the door and ran out of the washroom, out of the company. 

He didn't know where he was going. He just wanted to stop feeling suffocated and that building only felt like a weight was heaving him down.  
He ran till he couldn't and found a small cafe. He entered and ordered an iced americano. He just sat in one of the little booths feeling indescribable emotions.

After hours -what felt like minutes- he feels a buzzing in his pockets and reaches for his phone. On it, it shows the name "Manager-nim". He swipes right and brings the phone up to his ear. "Hello," he says

"Changkyun-ah, where the hell have you been?" his manager yells "Get to the d-"

The yelling stops abruptly and Changkyun takes away the phone from his ears and is met with the screen turning black.

He sighs and looks around the cafe for a clock. 11:35 pm. His eyes bulged out comically. Had he really been self-loathing for hours? 

He grabbed his phone and headed out of the cafe, stopping to realize that it was dark and he didn't know where he was. He wanted a hole to just open up and eat him alive. Of course, he had to act immature and childish, running away and not telling anyone where he was. He turned around to see the cafe owner turning off the lights and heading inside the cafe. The blonde-haired man quickly ran back to the cafe and started knocking harshly on it. The owner of the cafe either couldn't hear the banging on the door or just chose to ignore him. Most likely chose to ignore him

For the second time that day, Changkyun begins to sob. Why'd he have to act so irrational? Why was he acting like a fucking child? 

His little crying session got interrupted when the cafe door opens and Changkyun slowly turns around to see an old woman walking over to him. She reaches over to him and Changkyun takes a step back. That wasn't the same woman that closed the cafe. "You might need this. My daughter said she saw your phone dying during a phone call" she speaks and hands him a phone.

He makes an 'oh' sound and quickly collects it and says a quick thank you. He dials an uber -not wanting to face the wrath of his manager- and gives her the phone back. He bows a full 90 degrees "Thank you very much, ma'am" 

She smiles and nods and heads back to the cafe.

After 15mins of shivering in the cold, the uber comes and Changkyun quickly gets in. He tells the driver the dorm address and start to think about how stupid what he did today was. His manager is going to be pissed. But he does wonder if his members were worried. He shakes his head, probably not.

Soon he arrives at the dorm and quietly opens the door. It's dark. Guess they must have fallen asleep. He closes the door and turns on the light, revealing his members all sitting and crossing their arms. They look mad and something Changkyun assumes is worry?

Shownu clears his throat "Where have you been?"

"Uh...m-my parents house?" he stutters out. Worst liar of the year-Im Changkyun

"Cut the bull. We called your parents" Hyungwon snaps

Changkyun sighs "I was at a cafe"

"You were at a cafe for 5 hours?" Minhyuk snorts

"Y-yeah"

"And you couldn't manage to tell one of us or call manager?" Kihyun, who had been surprisingly quiet, quipped

"I wasn't thinking"

"And why did you run away?" Hoseok asked

Well, I've been feeling really lonely and envious of someone and that someone was in the same space as me and I couldn't think properly, so I decided the best decision was to run away. Gosh, how he would love to yell at his members but he also doesn't want to cause more problems

"Why don't you guys go tuck Jooheon to bed or something. Stop pretending you care" Changkyun snarls and takes off his shoes.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Hyungwon rolls his eyes

"Exactly what I said. Go tuck Jooheon to bed, while I lay there pretending to be asleep"

"So you decided to run away because you don't get tucked to bed?" Jooheon says in disbelief

Changkyun's thread has run out "No Jooheon. I did not run away because I don't get tucked to bed. I left because you remind me of all the things I'll never be and never have. And how much better you are at me than everything. And how I shouldn't have debuted in this shithole of a group. I left because it's suffocating in here" his voice cracks a little, but he's started and he can't stop now "I left because I feel like a stranger in this group. I left because I hate pretending to be okay. I hate all those dumb thoughts in my head and I hate feeling so, so lonely"

He didn't know he was crying until he felt wet drops trickle down his face. The guys just looked flabbergasted and surprised. Sure Changkyun had said a lot of weird shit before but he's never had an outburst this bad. And they knew they were to blame. They still had all those feelings from No Mercy pent up. A feeling of guilt had started to eat them. They never thought about how Changkyun would have felt.

Kihyun got up slowly and went over to the now sobbing boy and held him. The younger boy held on to him tightly, as if he was afraid of letting go. They all walked over to them and hugged him too.

They were going to start again and overcome all the obstacles, even if it takes time. They were going to start again from zero. All 7 of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I was in my feels when I wrote this. 
> 
> send me requests on my [TWITTER](https://twitter.com/hheybibi) and on my [Curious Cat <3](https://curiouscat.me/hheybibi)


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